http://www.showergelsforsale.com/breathe-serenity/
is this a good poem? 1-9?
terrors, by serenity
hello sleeping angel
is this why you wont save me
your not hear
your hiding away
from your own fears
you cant save me
from falling
because you cant see
your my last hope
and even your running
hello sleeping angel
if your still breathing
then why wont you save me
wake up from your terrord dreaming
AND SAVE ME
wake up and deafeat your undenyed fears
and save me
i can no longer hear your struggled breath
so now I'm just left
hello sleeping angel i can tell your not breathing
so your damned to terrord dreaming
you cant save me
on a scale of one to nine tell me
I give you a one, but only because you are still at step one in the process.
It's not a bad first draft, but that's all it is: the first step, the easy part of poetry. Now the work begins: correct, edit, revise. You have your idea, your theme; now work on the form, the rhythmic structure, the way the sound flows, and the all important last line.
Begin by correcting the misspellings, swapping out the homonyms, and finding the right words to replace the non-existent ones. Then edit your work: are the lines presented in the most effective order? Does the poem finish decisively or just fade away? Then decide on a rhythmic and sonic structure. Even if you decide against a rhyming scheme, you should be aware to the ending sound of each line. The purpose of all this work is the make the sound of the poem match the mood and tone that you are trying to evoke.
Give more thought to the final line and/or couplet: a powerful last line is the element that makes the reader sit up and take notice. A great final couplet can be pure astonishment and is the hallmark of the best Shakespearian verse. Think of your poem as an arrow and the last line as the target. Be the arrow: hit the target.
(Sorry for those who've read these lines before)
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